Wherein I Ask For Your Assistance Towards Greatishness

Hello. How are you? How’s the job/family/unemployment line/pimp?

Sit down! Would you like anything? Fresca/glass of milk/blood transfusion/hand job?

You’re looking well, you know that? Been working out? No? Could have surprised me. You must have to beat the men/women/stray dogs/mail-order-appendages off with a stick! Ha ha ha ha. Yeah.

So, why did I call you in here today? Well, I have a problem.. a problem that you, and only you, can help me with. You see, I’m working on writing, but things have gotten stale. I need some fun. I need some verve. I need what only you can give me. No, besides that. Yeah, that was fun. Ha ha. Memories.

I thought we’d play a little game to help me with this problem o’ mine. No, not like that game. Man, we had some good times in the old days, didn’t we? That’s what our rap sheets say at least!

Annnnyway, yeah. So, what I’m looking for are some ideas from YOU of what I might want to write about. Like a premise, or a character, or a concept. Maybe a title. Something! I’ll go through the responses I get and pick one and see what I can do with it, then put it up here for the spam bots to peruse (so yeah, ideas about Cialis and russian brides are a plus!).

I can’t promise how long it will take to get stuff written, but part of this experiment is me attempting to write without over thinking the process and taking forever. My goal would be to try to get something, anything, up every couple days or so. Might be funny, might be an essay, might be fiction, maybe a haiku! We’ll see how it goes. Hopefully it won’t be a disappointment.

Yeah, like that time in the mountains. Look, why do you have to keep bringing that up? You got what you asked for… don’t blame me for your mumbling. Especially not when you choose to wear that outfit yourself. Oh I can’t stay mad at you for long. Butterfly kisses!

I’m glad you were able to stop by. I really am! Please, think about my proposition and leave me some thoughts in the comments section. I eagerly await your brilliant/common/plagiarized ideas. And if you don’t have any ideas, hey.. that’s fine. Disappointing, but fine. I’ll still try to get stuff up regularly. They’ll just be stained by my tears over your thoughtlessness.

Be safe and have a great time tonight at the bar/playing with the kids/sharing a single bean between your hobo friends/selling yourself for bus fare! XOXO!!!

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13 Responses to “Wherein I Ask For Your Assistance Towards Greatishness”

  1. Thomas says:

    Someone slipped psychoactive drugs into the cream at the NPR commissary coffee bar. On a Saturday morning. Car Talk is about to go on the air. Take it from there

  2. Max says:

    A love story about a one-finned porpoise and a tuna fishing boat.

  3. itchylick says:

    The Large Hadron Collider is finally fully operational and they just flipped the switch, but a spider has somehow accidentally gotten into the tunnel.

  4. Dan-O says:

    A rag tag group of software developers and network engineers exist in an IT enterprise in a constant state of juvenile warfare….they must come together when they find ut that the company is in trouble…meanwhile this all takes place behind the backdrop of a ginornous comic book convention approaching.

    Madmen meets The Big Bang Theory with just a bit of Ron Howard’s Gung Ho.

  5. Gemmy says:

    Based on one of my dreams. Here is the rambling, barely legible thing I scribbled down in the middle of the night:

    The post-apocalyptic world after the humans warred with risen-to-sentience rats and lost.

    Our heroes are holed up on the fifth floor in a tall office tower, with guards and fire barricades set day and night. The bottom entrance of the tower is standing in water, and the rats have taken over the four lower levels. The designations of days comes from the level of the tower occupied by rats. The day of the story is C4-6 – the day the rats got to level four of the tower, then 6 days after that.

    The main story takes place on a day when the rats take over like 6 tower levels at once, and only a few of the heroes manage to escape to a safer upper floor to restart the circle again. A stray rat manages by cunning to get up too high and is able to lead the way for the remaining rats. Story follows a regular survivor, the younger sister of one of the people leading the effort to stay alive. She sees a prominent member of the Cabal (the leaders) do something stupid that she shouldn’t have, which allows the one cunning rat to gain the tower level, thus unleashing hell on the heroes.

    Additional remembered story fragments: The heroine dies to hold off the rats for the seconds needed to save her brother, so he can lead the rest of the survivors on. Then he dies too – accidentally, by falling out with a collapsing part of the tower – and a previously-nameless survivor steps up to the plate to lead the rest on. The end of the story is much like the beginning, except with a new set of characters and a much smaller group holed up and guarding. The story starts on the fifth floor on C4-6 and ends on the 11th floor on C10-1).

    Imagery: Parts of the tower collapses all dramatically into the water below, made weak by the fire used to hold the rats off (falling pieces are on fire). Scurrying and crawling through back passages to get above the rats again. Looking longingly out though the blackened-by-guard-fire windows to see the normal looking and bright, sunny world outside. Hunting and killing rats for food, as there is nothing but candy vending machines in the building. (Imagine the scene from Lord of the Flies with the hunting the pig, sort of.) Walls of rats flowing from tiny crevices. The heroine overwhelmed by leering and cheering rats, while she yells at her brother to go on and save the others.

  6. Katya says:

    God Gemmy, a little more detail please. Give me something to work with, Jesus.

  7. Gemmy says:

    Hahahah. It was the most intensely weird, detailed post-apocalyptic dream I’ve ever had, and maybe one of five that I’ve just HAD to write down. If it makes it better, just ignore everything past the main premise! 😉

  8. itchylick says:

    … and they all lived happily ever-after. THE END.

    Somebody needs to lay off the HoHos right before bed.

  9. Niteowl says:

    Rewrite the script for the fan-made Dr. Horrible prequel. Add more funny.

  10. Gemmy says:

    – Origin story/bio for the gremlin in the computer (a la the imp in the cameras in the Discworld universe)
    – Take weird crime or tearjerker stories (like the one about the guy with the iron rod in his head from MeFi, or the Lizzy Borden story) and report on them as if they were on Nancy Grace
    – As the World Burns: The secret romantic lives of the L4D special infected
    – Confessions of a Lost Medic
    – Take two or three random words from Urbandictionary.com (a noun, a verb, and an adjective) and write a story around them

  11. Crankatator says:

    I’ve always though this idea would be GREAT. My gift to you:

    Guy in trouble is traveling. Finds another guy, dead, in an airport bathroom. He rashly switches wallets and plane tickets with the dead guy and follows his itinerary, escaping his crappy life. Turns out the dead guy was being hounded by (the mob/government/aliens – I don’t know). Suspense and hijinks ensue.

    That’s all I got.

  12. David says:

    Boys and girls are different. While she savored each bite after a hunt, he devoured the kill as quickly as possible. So while he spent a lot of time watching her slowly chewing, she…

  13. zlopid says:

    This one is solid gold. Solid. Gold.

    Step 1. Take a random tweet from Citrus’ twitter
    Step 2. Add an awkward love interest
    Step 3. Add a sandwich

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